My Yoga Practice---Gratitude

Can't wait for our walks in France!!!

26/Jan/2015

This morning practice showed me my gratitude towards how my life was/ what I had today.

I've been every now again, practising Marmalade.. sorry, Mermaid pose. I asked my dear Yoda ( I read her status on her facebook page, she likes Yoda! Me too, I've got a painting of Yoda in my bedroom!), Jacqui, how to get into the pose. I can't balance well on it, yet a class I went last year ( or some vids on youtube), this pose was randomly put in without building up. Then I felt the defeat. "I can't do it!". It put me off completely from practicing yoga full stop.

To be honest, this pose has my favo flavours; back bend, hip opener and quadriceps stretch (since I stared running again, feel the stretch and nooooice...). Yet I can not get in to the pose. So frustrating.

Then this morning,  the Yoda took me step by step ( I was the only one in the studio this morning at 6:30am class, it was like a private workshop yey!) and told me to practice the steps she showed me. Initially, I wanted to get into it then, but I accepted that was not possible. Good thing about this was giving me more confident and motivation.  I decided to add to my home practice.

After the class, we had a quick chat and confirmed me that the pose like that needed to be progressed step by step (bit by bit). It's lots of things going on both physically and energetically. 

I also asked Siobhan, she told me she was still working on the pose, more like King Pigeon pose after 10 years.... In her class, we did hip openers and quadriceps stretch (dancer etc) so, I was happy with that too.

Anyway, this chat concluded me; "I am happy with where I am at, and practice step by step. Take my time" Otherwise, I would be really hurry to get into it and injure myself, which I don't want. I am grateful for where I am at, how far I come both my yoga journey and my drug addiction.

When I lose my gratitude towards my life/myself, I still write 10 gratitude lists and read aloud to myself in front of a mirror. It used to be really hard to do that especially when I had zero self-esteem. Seeing myself in mirror and telling myself "I love you" was super hard. Yes, it was me who married myself (after my ex boyfriend dumped me for another woman and got her pregnant ), it was the best thing EVER both finishing with him and marrying me which showed me learning to build relationship with myself, forgive myself and love myself (unconditional love) and it worked (after hard work!). 

Now my relationship with myself is like an old married couple, ups and downs, still love myself and laugh with myself, enjoying my own company and going great.

Yoga always takes me to where I need to be and remind myself how far I come. I never expected to my yoga practice would take me this deep when I began the journey. 

More to come? 
I'm ready.

My Yoga Practice---Heart Opener and Cherry Stone

Famous bench in the village in St Guilhem le desert in France

17/Jan/2015

Cor blimey, that was good practice. I go to Jacqui's class quite often, but doesn't get any easier on her plank sequence! Still find it hard work. Gets intense and but timing of the release is beautiful. Love it.

Today's savasana was fantastic and very trippy! I love that when I have savasana like that. All seem to depends on what's been going on my life and myself both mentally and physically. I had a bit pissed-off also stressed week....

I was a bit pissed off on Wednesday at work, our team meeting. I felt like one of my colleagues /support workers criticised my work. I know now, she probably didn't mean it, but I sometimes take things seriously and personally, I took it as a personal attack ( I was doing  it to myself, silly me...). I spoke to a couple of my colleagues and I felt a bit better, still, I wasn't happy.  Without shit like this, work is stressed ( b'cause I'm perfectionist, doesn't help...) enough, I really didn't need it. That was why I was really looking forward to my practice, moving my body!!!

On savasana, I felt an invisible cherry stone (not sure why that was...) came out from my mouth and physically I needed to open my mouth. Soon after that, I saw a sliver spoon lightly tapped my throat and chest. What did those mean?

I left the studio feeling a bit cheerful. Walked back home, looking up the sky and admiring beautiful shining stars and Pleiades. (I used to do that when I was on my way home being off my head...)

Following morning (6:30am - 8:00am), only myself in the studio with Yoda (Jacqui), had chat and she did a mini-workshop (ended up like that!) to splits and heart openers. It was a short class but I could not tell you how much I felt better after that.

I shared this on 12 step yoga class on the evening. Jacqui's feed back made me "WOW". Amazing how body knows and tells you what it needs and feeling, and savasana is the time for that. My feeling from  being criticised sat on heart and obviously needed to every heart opener to release it. My body wanted to tell me through yoga (Indian way, Chinese might say different things...?).

So powerful and another magic experience.

My Yoga Practice---Vinyasa Workshop

Nearly time for walks in France again!

11/Jan

I attended lovely Helen Shepherd's Vinyasa workshop at the boiler House in my local yoga studio where I regularly attend my classes. I really enjoyed it

There were about 10 of us, including Jacqui (my Yoda). They were lovely bunch, mainly from Helen's clients from Norfolk (I would imagine..) After the practice, Helen had raw food workshop, But I had to go home for work, so, I couldn't stay for yummy smoothies and some food.....

I was a bit nervous to start off with (I always feel nervous and shy when unfamiliar people are around...), after 20-30mins in, felt the nervousness going away, started to relax. I felt everyone did, we all started laughing and smiling, giggling (that's what I do usually...) till Helen took us to.... Parrivrtta Hasta Padangusthasana then, to the side..... I don't really like it, it's hard work and my legs don't stay high and out.... All I could hear in my head was; "OUCH!" 

Balancing and leg lifts are hard wok for me, some days are better than other days. My balance that day was not very good. Never mind. I had some fun and giggles on balancing poses. 

Helen is a lovely yoga teacher, personality of yoga teacher counts how yoga class will be. I love nice laid back classes with chilled out people/students (with some push). I don't like competitive yoga classes and calling it Yoga. Classes like that, completely missing a point of yoga. 

Anyway, I always feel a bit left out, feel like I'm missing out on some fun when I have to leave early. I want to communicate and get to know with yoga buddies! That is the main reason I like getting lift back home with my yoga buddies ( I live walking distance from the studio, but my yoga buddies are very kind, they offer me a lift back!), so that I can have a chat.

Funny, I am always like that, haven't changed a bit since when I was a school girl, don't like missing out on fun! So, does it mean I'm not grateful for what I have? Or not happy with what I do? Not content? But today, I just wanted to be in company of those yoga ladies.

It doesn't happen often to me... I'm very shy yet love socialising and chat with people as long as in small environment....

So, thanks to lovely Helen for lovely Sunday morning practice, it defo set my weekend for work. (Practice keeps me calm and on form!)

Can't wait for the next one! 

Pre christmas practice....Glad it's all over!

Oh, can't wait to go back to Majorca!

Pre festive holiday practice

I really miss my yoga class, due to the festive season, there's no yoga classes.....

Before all this happened, my practice was awesome, I felt feeling "unite" whatever that was, with all people in the studio came together, that was what I felt like. It was wonderful, I sometimes look around during a class, it's beautiful, everyone seems to really into it, not sure how to explain it, almost as if we became one, I know it sounds a bit corny, but that was how I felt like.

On 19 & 20th/Dec morning, I went really deep in savasana, I was tripping out. I saw a rusty door in dark, but I could see light behind the closed rusty door, then it opened and I went through.... It was amazing, when the class finished, I asked Jacqui, my teacher. And she told me I didn't need to analyse it. I tend to analyse quite a bit, that's another thing I do and need to let go....

On Monday 22nd/Dec evening practise, I again fully enjoyed and appreciated how lucky I was to be able to attend such a great class.... Tuesday 23rd was my last class I could go, that was lovely Siobhan's Hatha class. I loved it. 

So, all these wonderful classes I attended, now, I'm really missing it. It's been a week since my last practice with either Jacqui or Siobhan. This is my observation, Christmas isn't really convenient for me! I now need to wait for another week....

Then I had an idea, I booked a class in my local yoga centre ( do you remember the place I used to work in the kitchen? ). Initially I booked two classes, but I needed to cancel one due to my work.

It was supposed to be vinyasa flow, but it was hot yoga/ Ashtanga practice! It was really hot, it was nice small class and liked sweating away. The teacher was an ashtanga teacher and a bit mad. 

This is my observation, either "he means well, but misunderstood being him" or utter t***, I spoke to him after the class a bit, I was not expecting to have full conversation, as his students for next class walked in to the studio really invasive manner (at least felt that way). Anyway, he asked me questions and I answered them however I felt I was put on a spot and felt like didn't have much time to answer his questions. Then he went on a bit (which I didn't understand what he was talking about), he concluded those questions and answered himself and almost as if he had whole conversation by himself. 

I walked out from the yoga centred feeling "something not sit right with me" feeling... not sure what it was, until I processed what it was said after a few days or so. I'm not going on much about it, but made me think "are there lot of those people out there who are soooo full of themselves teaching yoga, and it doesn't say anything about that on any yoga literature...." well, this is my journey, finding people who are pretentious, me being humble and having humility sometimes looks a bit stupid. Hey, as long as my sides are clean, that's all matters. (I learnt having humility, being humble from 12step meetings I used to go to. Those are great place to learn basis of spirituality if you are an addict!)

Anyway, I again, took a few things home I agreed and liked from what he said, so, I'm happy with that too.

New Year!

Happy New Year, thank god, it's all over till the end of this year again, Christmas has gone, now opened up to 2015. I've been practising yoga at home, I can't wait to go back to my routine. Jacqui's class has started this week, my first class will be tomorrow night. 

I seemed to over stretched my upper back muscle during my home practice last month, got a huge knot, and really uncomfortable. I hope I can get rid of this soon......