Thank you Spring Day Retreat '23

 

29/04/'23

It was my first Day retreat which I held locally in Suffolk where I live. 

All I wanted to say was Thank you to people who supported me since my cancer diagnosis also coming to my zoom classes since the first lockdown a few years ago. 

I feel so lucky to have those people in my life, they are so supportive, kind, generous and warm. I just wanted to do something for them... something nurturing.... I don't have a lot, all I have is myself and yoga. So I organised a day retreat. And all they needed to bring was themselves..

Day started with gentle movements and Yin yoga, then meditation, Qi Gong with my partner Marcus, finished the day with restorative yoga and yoga nidra. 

Day went on a bit longer than how I planned, so some of them needed to leave early. 

I was so grateful for their time being there, practicing yoga and qigong together. Some asked for money to pay, a few of people gave me a gift, but I didn't want anything. For being there was enough. That was the gift for me. Exchange was already done... I didn't want them to pay for the day. 

I also felt quite emotional during the morning, I thought of a friend who passed away from cancer recently. Her death reminded me how precious life was. She wanted to see her daughter graduate ..... I often think of her. She is here all around us, in the sea, mountain, sky, air, flowers.... she is everywhere. 

Anyway, it was long time since we were together practicing in person. Before I got really ill in 2019.  then pandemic hit... lockdown.... what a few years we all had. It was sooooo lovely to see them in person. 

My zoom classes are run by donation, I do upgrade cameras and mic etc to make zoom experience enjoyable, of course, we love chatting too. We have small but lovely zoom community now, and these zoom classes kept me going when I was feeling ill from treatment, side effects, and feeling down.... Every zoom class I have done, I feel always good afterwards. Even we meet up virtually, there's something there... something magic... 

I am currently waiting for a date for my surgery ( third time). Everyday, for me, it's precious. Moment like this retreat day is precious... Make the most of what I have each day, each moment. 

Yoga props ideas....

Not everyone has luxury of having yoga props. They are costly if you want to get the whole set; for example, 2 blocks, 2 bricks, yoga belt, sand bags, a bolster and 2 yoga blanket...

We can find house hold items as yoga props; 

Blocks and bricks; Klinex tissue boxes, foot containers, stuck of DVD cases, books....or rolls of kitchen papers.

Yoga blanket: any blanket you have in the house or big bath towels

yoga belt: belt, dressing gown strap/belt, scarf or even ties. i have seen someone using a tie as a strap. 

Bolster: rolled single duvet, cushions and pillows, or combination of pillows and flat blocks. 

Yoga chair: In yoga class/ studios often have backless Iyenger chair, however arm-rest-less chair will do. 

sandbags: bag of rice, lentils or beans in home made bags/ tube

I have made a video, please check it out! Link below 👇.

It will open up a new window for my youtube video. 

yoga props ideas/ suggestions

What do you use house hold items to support your practice? I think we can be very creative about yoga props! 🤩 Let me now in a comment. 

Just ...my rant..about zoom yoga...

 

It's 2022, spring now. It's been quite some time since last Covid lockdown in U.K. Lockdown was good in the sense that everywhere we went for walks were quiet, often we had a whole beach to ourselves, and a few dog walkers... one of sad things about was; due to covid lockdown, many yoga studios didn't survive or in the end, went business with huge gym companies etc. 

On the other hand, zoom/ online yoga flourished. During the lockdowns, even my classes were busy, and many people including myself, would never thought of running online classes before. I wasn't sure about it, like any other teachers and instructors. However, it wasn't too bad. I actually really liked it. Took me a while to get it right, like, sorting out camera, sound/music over zoom, connecting to TV, and mic.... Once everything  was pretty much sorted, it was great. I didn't have to cycle everywhere and knackered myself travelling, I was able to set up whenever I pleased... I am introvert, so, staying at home teaching yoga over zoom suited me well. As well as attending classes for my own practice. 

It was great I was able to join top class teachers' workshops and classes online live. I really went for it during these lockdowns. I loved it. I loved that I was able to practice with those teachers and students together from all over the world! And I still do. I still run my zoom classes although numbers are now smaller, I have regulars. I am very grateful for those join me over zoom. 

Often when I join yoga classes, some yoga teachers don't seem to care about zoomers or zoomies whatever call it. no hello, no acknowledgement actually we are there online. Also camera is too far , difficult to see. On top of that, some teachers don't wear mic ( and far from their device) I am not able to hear anything even my TV volume maxed. 🥲 So, If my video is off, I just get out, can't get into it....

Once I had a teacher who went through her phone texting when she put us in a yin pose. Her thumbs and fingers were tapping really fast, obviously she was texting/messaging. then when she put us on Shavasana, she was looking at her phone, her fingers were sliding side to side, and tapping....I thought to myself; is she forgetting she is actually on zoom? 

Another funny one I had; the room was pitch black. Apparently the room was dark, no-one could see, even other zoomers' videos were off...we supposed to practice only from teacher's cues. That was really hard. I am  also a visual learner, I need to see ( i have learning difficulty) to learn. I couldn't even see other students, I didn't understand her cues. So I had to get out....😓

Zoom...more like camera catches everything there,  from face expression to body language, background to shadows....

I know if you have studio full of students and have zoomies, to both to look at. All I'm saying is; just a little bit more pay attention to online students please! Just say hello in the beginning , bye bye at the end, or maybe during practice, " are you ok at home?" Just once is enough. 🙏

I will continue zoom, both running classes and attending workshops, & classes. Now I live in a small town, no other yoga teacher in the town, a yoga studio is 20 mins away by car ( I don't drive), so I want to stay on zoom. 

That's it, for now, my rant is over till....next time....🤣 

Me & my cancer: How did I get here?

Dunwich Heath on cloudy day😁

 Where are we? 

I ended my last blog with " Nearly surgery time.." 

I was supposed to have surgery before Christmas 2019. I was admitted to the hospital I was cared for, But I was feeling really nervous, apprehensive....Not very confident with going through surgery. To be honest, I was really scared. I'd never had any serious illness or surgery, I never even had a baby, so surgery felt so much alien word to me. Not sure what was going to happen, everyone said to me I'd be asleep, not feeling anything....

On the surgery morning, I was getting ready. Surgents came to see me and spoke through what was going to happen. I felt my heart pounding so loud and fast I thought everyone could hear it... When anaesthetist came to see me,  she informed me what she was going to do and there for, this made me even more nervous, however, she seemed to be very nice and calm, so I trusted her. 

In the late morning, by then, I was supposed to be in surgery, however, this never happened, I had hypercalcemia, and still my calcium level was too high for them to go ahead with surgery. So they cancelled it. I felt really disappointed and relieved at the same time. Later, my oncologist and support nurse came to see me in my ward and we discussed for future treatment etc. 

Anyway, I was there for a few more day, then I was out, back home. 🤩 

I had an appointment with my oncologist following week or so, he explained what treatment would be till next surgery time. He also sent a referral to a hospital in London, hopefully I could get the referral. 

A few weeks later I went to see my oncologist and informed me I got the referral and would hear from them soon. To my surprise, the hospital ( Queen Charlotte hospital London) contacted me fairly quick for appointment. My partner took me to London and we had consultation for surgery. By then, it was January 2020. The surgeon was lovely lady, I felt I really could trust her. She was the best surgeon in this field in Europe, and I was super excited having the surgery by her and her team. Of course, by then I was so fed up having tumour inside me, in pain, awkward in every moment, fatigue, and inconvenience of having continent pads 24/7 with bleeding, lack of sleep ( hardly any), thirst etc... I just wanted this to end. 

My surgery was scheduled on 17th of January. I couldn't wait. we were staying holiday inn in North Acton ( I think), breakfast was fabulous! It was buffet and all sorts foods! so I ate loads of eggs for protein, getting ready🤣 I never had so much eggs in my life.

Anyway, We went to the hospital for  pre-surgery admission. I was in a big ward with one other lady, with lots of empty beds. I had window bed, could see outside. 

On that night, I had fever and sweating, a doctor on call gave me paracetamol and electric fan, left window open, I felt really hot. I told her, often I felt like this during nights, so I always wear a quick dry sports top, yoga towel on my sheet and a towel wrapped around my neck. 

Following morning, fever went, the doctor told me I could have surgery. Then my surgeon came to see me, asked me what happend. She was very caring and kind. I told her, I always felt like this, and thought it was menopause 😅.  She said it wasn't.....oh, dear.... I was already post menopause, so I should've known.... never mind....It was my second time, so I knew what was expected, and I was well ready. 

Later that day, I went in for surgery.....

communication with music: Snape Maltings Dome stage ( 31/7/21 & 1/08/21)

 

Really enjoyed outdoor concerts both saturday and sunday ( 31/07/2021 & 1/08/2021). It was good fun. What's lovely about was that be outdoor with people and listening to great music😁. Again, we met some lovely people and had chat and smile. 

On Saturday, band members were quite international, from eastern Europe, Greece and Turkey....there should've been a few more members, however, due to Covid regulations, they weren't able to make it, shame. Members who were not able to get to U.K were either not able to come in or come out from their country. How nuisance Covid is, still affects ( still early days....) to a lots of us. Anyway, they played fantastic music, and made everyone smile and feeling happy😊 I was! With a huge grinning face! 

They were called "Turbans". They played Turkish/Greek music. Loved it! So unique! Guy in the yellow outfit came off the stage and made some people stood up and dance! I was one of them. And I managed to get dance ( a little bit) a few young people who were sitting in front of us. These kids were very polite. One of them said to me " I don't want to block views"Cor, blimey, I thought myself, " when I was your age, I was standing right front of stages and dance, and drunk a lot!😆" Is that sign of old age? When you start conversation with " when I was your age..." Yeah, yeah, yeah, I've heard that before. I always thought old people say things like that, then I am saying it now.....😅Things change....

Anyway, It rained during the live, but the most of audience were prepared. Putting their waterproof jackets on and off umbrella open and close....I was wearing a huge changing robe ( RED robe, like DRYROBE) so warm and dry. Such a handy robe, not only can wear on the beach, but also occasion like outdoor concert. I am Happy with my purchase😆And Turbans, thank you very much for fun evening!

On Sunday, we went to see Indian man from Leeds called " Jasdeep Singh Degun" ( https://www.jasdeepsinghdegun.com) Played an hour Raag with his friend who played tabla also excellent musician who came from Kent. 😄 Both of them came from far away to get here in Suffolk. We enjoyed very much. Started off slow and gentle then time to time, music got faster and more tablet going too. It was excellent.  Taking us to journey of the sound. When it was finished, I felt it didn't feel like an hour passed. I wanted to listen more... I do like listening to Raag, a bit like sound bath of sitar and tabla, really relaxing. I closed my eyes listening to it and imagining I was on a beautiful beach on sunset. 😇Like Turbans, I could feel these guys really enjoying playing and sharing their music, it was pleasure to be there. Thank you very much for wonderful evening! 

These concerts were just brilliant, and free! 

Love talking to people, seeing smiley & friendly faces. We saw a few people who were there previously. We have booked a few  more till the end of August, So, might see same people again?                                                      

Snape Malting is quite close to us, only 10 mins or so in a car.

So, we are making the most of what we have here. This summer, we are enjoying "staycation" locally. Everyday is holiday!  😁 

     

                                                 

Me & my cancer: Journey began...

 

Blossom tree found near Captain's wood

My first appointment was to see an oncologist and a specialist nurse. I took Marcus with me for very first appointment, I wasn't confident enough to be able to hear and understand consultations. He made me a few appointments for treatment. My very first treatment was  2 bags of blood transfusion. Cor blimey, after the transfusion, I felt so much better. On my way there, I felt so ill, I had to rest many times to get to the train station! What a difference it made!  As I was leaving the day unit, I said a nurse who looked after me good-bye and thanked her for looking after me. 

A few day after, Thursday morning, I had a phone call from Addenbrooke's hospital oncology day unit, asking me to come out asap for chemotherapy. I was a bit upset, I had a class to teach in the morning and had to cancel it. I could refuse the treatment that day, but I wanted to show my willingness to be able to attend appointments. Marcus was busy, so I asked my friend to come with me for my first chemotherapy. And she did, she quickly finished her work and helped me to get to the treatment. We arrived just after lunch time.  I had my very first chemotherapy. Carboplatin and paclitaxel. By then I had got used to needles and cannula, it was very strange me being hospital that often... I was always healthy person, never really being hospital in the past ( maybe a few times...). We chatted a lady who was next to me having her chemotherapy accompanied by her grandson. Marcus turned up late afternoon to take over from my friend. I still this day, feel so grateful for my friends who helped me those challenging time. I wasn't able to get through it without their help and support. I am a lucky person to have good friends. 

Symptom wise, by then I had really bad night sweat ( I believed it was caused by menopause for long time until my surgeon told me it wasn't😅), very frequent toilet visit ( 7-10 times during night), extreme thirst ( drunk so much water, still feeling thirsty.), full quickly, abdominal discomfort/ pain, chest pain, bloating, hair loss ( after my 2nd cycle), fatigue, heavy bleeding from down below ( even worse since I was on blood thinners), muscle pain, neuropathy, taste change, etc....

It was hard, I wasn't even able to change lines on my bed. Took me about 1 hour to do it. Everything I was doing became hard work. Like putting socks on, knickers on, cooking was hard, I wasn't able to stand up to warm soup up. So I brought a chair in the kitchen to warm food. I hardly cooked. My friends brought me food or bought me lunch/dinner. At work, Marcus carried my bag with yoga mat in for me into studios. Friends gave me lift to gyms, studios for classes. I really take granted being healthy and able to do things pre - cancer days.  I really felt it. When I was growing up, my mum used to say to me health is very important, and precious, I finally understood what she meant. 

Stones from Suffolk shingle beach

After 2nd cycle of chemotherapy, my oncologist informed me it wasn't working, and tumour was still growing. So we stopped chemo, I was continued with blood transfusions and dexamethasone to control tumour until my surgery day. 

Everyday I noted what happening to my body, what meds I took and what time, I even made myself bowel chart ( I was constipated, and on laxative) to watch my bowel movement. I just wanted to do well with this journey. Luckily, I didn't feel sick from chemo, just felt really fatigued.

I cried many times, I felt so fed up going back and forth to hospital, scans, chemo, test after test....sorting out my finance at the same time. I stopped teaching one point, so my income reduced basically nothing. So I needed to claim benefit. With feeling unwell to sorting out my finance was hard work. I wanted to give up, just everything became too much. I couldn't even clean and tidy my flat.  I couldn't even think straight... I did whatever I could. If I couldn't do it, I din't do it. I took my time to do my chores. I wasn't teaching anymore that point, so I had all day to do one or two tasks a day. I didn't do anymore than that. I slept a lot though. 

Luckily, I had a good appetite, I reckon this due to steroid I was on too, I ate loads! But Now I look back, with health I had pre-cancer days and appetite, I was able to get through this tough time. I just kept going. By the December 2019, my beautiful friend Mel helped me a lot for accompanying me to my hospital appointments. 

Nearly my surgery time....

Me & my cancer : I was diagnosed...Ovarian cancer

 

(Dunwich Heath)

I don't know where to start....

I have been on this cancer journey since 2019 summer....I was diagnosed ovarian cancer clear cell stage 3b. It was like someone throw bombed at me. I guess, I was in denial for a few weeks, or more, just couldn't believe I got cancer. I didn't want to believe it.  I had a few good close friends had cancer previous year, I thought then, " next one might be me?" Later, one of my friends said; "these days cancer isn't death sentence, you'll be alright"... I really hang on to that.😊

In 2019 May, I went back to Japan for a few weeks, really enjoyed being with my family and friends. I had some yummy food, did lots of yoga, and met some new people.... Came back, after a few weeks, I started feeling unwell, coughing really badly which didn't go away. Then I started feeling fatigue, I wasn't even able to walk into town without having rest a couple of times, on top of that, I found really challenging to cycle...my quads didn't lift....Started feeling even worse, so I decided to make an appointment with GP and saw a lady doctor. She was lovely and listened what I was telling her. She gave me a week course of antibiotics thinking I had chest infection. 

After a week, it didn't go away, still really fatigued and felt it got worsened. I rung GP again, to see another doctor. He sent me to bloods at the West Suffolk hospital. In the meantime, he gave another course of antibiotics 3 times a day for a week. Then I went for bloods that day. 

Following day, he contacted me to see another doctor at the surgery in the evening, which I did. He explained over the phone, I was very very anaemic, and sounded very concerned. Anyway, I went to see another doctor in the evening. He saw me and I explained why I possibly anaemic. ( I had discharging for previous 6-7 month every day, a bit like 4th day period) He sent me another bloods and booked me CT scan in 3 weeks time. It was Thursday. 

(Spring in Southwold)

On Friday evening, when I came back from work ( teaching yoga class at the local yoga studio), I felt really unwell, wasn't able to move, and I couldn't breathe. I asked My partner, Marcus, to take me to A&E, we were there till about 3am. In the end, thanks to A&E doctor there who forwarded my CT scan to following day ( Saturday). We went back to the hospital at 9pm, had CT scan, whilst waiting for the result, I was given a bag of IV iron followed by IV fluid and felt a bit better. One of doctors informed me I had lots of blood clots in my both lungs which caused coughing.

I was admitted that day for monitoring, ended up staying there for a week. 

Following day, doctor booked me for another CT scan for abdomen area to see why I was discharging. The result came back quite quick, two gynaecologists came to see me and delivered news. I had ovarian cancer. 

I called my partner in the afternoon to speak to doctors for more detail, we were both shocked. I had feeling something wrong with my womb, but never thought it was ovarian cancer. 

After a week, I came out from the hospital, cancelled some yoga classes I was teaching. I was sad, but the same time felt relieved that I had diagnosis. I was called from the hospital for biopsy and consultation a few day later. The gynaecologists informed me I was referred to Addenbrooke's in Cambridge. Once referred, the process of getting treatments and seeing an oncologist were so fast. Thanks to NHS, for quick response and I was lucky to be here to receive treatments.  

This is how my journey with cancer started.....😊