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| Can't wait for our walks in France!!! |
This morning practice showed me my gratitude towards how my life was/ what I had today.
I've been every now again, practising Marmalade.. sorry, Mermaid pose. I asked my dear Yoda ( I read her status on her facebook page, she likes Yoda! Me too, I've got a painting of Yoda in my bedroom!), Jacqui, how to get into the pose. I can't balance well on it, yet a class I went last year ( or some vids on youtube), this pose was randomly put in without building up. Then I felt the defeat. "I can't do it!". It put me off completely from practicing yoga full stop.
To be honest, this pose has my favo flavours; back bend, hip opener and quadriceps stretch (since I stared running again, feel the stretch and nooooice...). Yet I can not get in to the pose. So frustrating.
Then this morning, the Yoda took me step by step ( I was the only one in the studio this morning at 6:30am class, it was like a private workshop yey!) and told me to practice the steps she showed me. Initially, I wanted to get into it then, but I accepted that was not possible. Good thing about this was giving me more confident and motivation. I decided to add to my home practice.
After the class, we had a quick chat and confirmed me that the pose like that needed to be progressed step by step (bit by bit). It's lots of things going on both physically and energetically.
I also asked Siobhan, she told me she was still working on the pose, more like King Pigeon pose after 10 years.... In her class, we did hip openers and quadriceps stretch (dancer etc) so, I was happy with that too.
Anyway, this chat concluded me; "I am happy with where I am at, and practice step by step. Take my time" Otherwise, I would be really hurry to get into it and injure myself, which I don't want. I am grateful for where I am at, how far I come both my yoga journey and my drug addiction.
When I lose my gratitude towards my life/myself, I still write 10 gratitude lists and read aloud to myself in front of a mirror. It used to be really hard to do that especially when I had zero self-esteem. Seeing myself in mirror and telling myself "I love you" was super hard. Yes, it was me who married myself (after my ex boyfriend dumped me for another woman and got her pregnant ), it was the best thing EVER both finishing with him and marrying me which showed me learning to build relationship with myself, forgive myself and love myself (unconditional love) and it worked (after hard work!).
Now my relationship with myself is like an old married couple, ups and downs, still love myself and laugh with myself, enjoying my own company and going great.
Yoga always takes me to where I need to be and remind myself how far I come. I never expected to my yoga practice would take me this deep when I began the journey.
More to come?
I'm ready.
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